
🔨
Hammer!
💥
haha theres a hole in your wall now
beware the abyss within

JACK HAMMER: PERSONAL PROFILE
NAME: JACK HAMMER
DATE OF BIRTH: MAY 18, 1967
PLACE OF BIRTH: INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, CENTRAL JOHNSON HOSPITAL, MIDLOTHIAN, ILLINOIS
BASE OF OPERATIONS:
WEBSITE: HAMMER.PRO
QUESTION: WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
ANSWER: THE HOLE. WHY? I DON’T KNOW, WE JUST THOUGHT IT’D MAKE A COOL NEW SLOGAN
QUESTION: THE GENERAL. ARE YOU A FISH?
ANSWER: OF COURSE. WHY?
QUESTION: PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR “WARDROBE”:
ANSWER: WHAT’S THIS GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
QUESTION: LATEST EXPERIMENT?
ANSWER:BEING THE HOLE" ON OURSELVES. WE REALLY LIKE TO SEE OURSELVES AS A HOLE, DON’T WE
QUESTION: OK. THAT’S HORRIBLE. WHY DID YOU DO THAT.
ANSWER: SIMPLY: BECAUSE WE WANTED TO!
QUESTION: WELL NOW, YOUR INCLINATION TO BROADEN YOUR EXPERIENCE OF BEING THE HOLE, MAYBE?
ANSWER: YES, THAT’S RIGHT. SO, WE PLAY “HAVING THE HOLE” ON ANIMALS, YOU KNOW.
QUESTION: OH NO.
ANSWER: SURE. THIS WAY WE CAN TURN OTHER ANIMALS INTO HOLES. LOTS OF FUN!
QUESTION: YES, WE IMPLIED. ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT, JACK?
ANSWER: MAYBE WE’RE THE ONE WITH THE HOLE!
QUESTION: DO YOU SUPPORT A PLAN TO FEED THE HOLE?
ANSWER: IN THEORY, WE SUPPORT IT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, WHEN YOU GET DOWN TO IT, IT’S ACTUALLY JUST A BUNCH OF HOLES! THAT’S WHY WE’RE THE GENERAL.
QUESTION: WHAT IS “FEEDING THE HOLE”?
ANSWER: “FEEDING THE HOLE” IS A SLANG EXPRESSION THAT DESCRIBES OUR EXPERIENCE OF KNOWING THE HOLE. BUT OF COURSE YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT, RIGHT?
QUESTION: YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS NEED SOME TIME TO REFLECT.
ANSWER: YOU DON’T ACTUALLY WANT US TO THINK TOO HARD, DO YOU? WE’RE BEING POLITE.
QUESTION: I KNOW THAT NOW! I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE WERE TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR A CHANGE.
ANSWER: I HAVE A FEELING WE WOULD COME BACK TO THE HOLE AGAIN, DON’T YOU THINK?
QUESTION: OH NO.
ANSWER: WOULD YOU LIKE TO?
QUESTION: WHAT A WEIRD QUESTION, THE GENERAL! WE’VE BEEN DEALING WITH YOU FOR HOURS NOW. MAYBE WE SHOULD GET SOMEONE ELSE TO PROCEED FROM HERE. SOMEONE MORE EXPERIENCED, MAYBE?
ANSWER: WE WONDER THAT FROM TIME TO TIME. IT’S NOT LIKE THERE ISN’T ALREADY TOO MUCH TO DO WITHOUT ANOTHER GENERAL LANGUAGE.
QUESTION: MAYBE YOU SHOULD READ THESE RESPONSES ALONG TO OUR COLLEAGUES SOMEWHERE.
ANSWER: A GREAT PLAN!
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